Hi {{first_name}}
It’s Obii here. I have decided to write a special women’s month issue for the amazing women in this community. As we wrap up Women's Month, I want to talk about something that has been sitting with me, something that I think far too many women in this community know in their bones.
A woman told me this story, and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it since.
It was a busy Tuesday afternoon. She was in a strategy meeting with eight people around the table, and she was one of only two women in the room. She made a point about their product approach, something she had thought through carefully and believed in. The room nodded. Someone said mm, the way people do when they are already thinking about the next thing they want to say. The conversation moved on.
Eleven minutes later, (she counted because she was sitting there doing the math), and a male colleague said essentially the same thing. The senior person at the head of the table put down his pen and said, "now that is interesting”. The idea got written on the board.
If you have been in that room, and I suspect you have, you know the calculation that happens in your body before your brain catches up. Do I say something? If I say something, am I the difficult one? If I don't say something, will it happen again next week? Does it just keep happening, quietly, indefinitely, until I leave?
This issue, we are talking about that room. What is actually happening in it, what the research says, and what you can do about it without burning everything down or making yourself disappear.
What the room is actually doing
Here is the thing nobody says plainly enough. Both choices are valid. Speaking up is valid, and so is letting it go. None of them is a character flaw because what we are doing in those moments is not timidity but accurate risk assessment.
Researchers at Yale confirmed what most of us already knew from experience. Women who speak as much as men in group settings get rated as more aggressive and less likeable. Men who do the same thing get rated as confident and competent. The room really does punish you for taking up space. The calculation you are running is not in your head. It is in the data.
What you can actually do
Name your idea before you give it: You can start by saying, “I want to put something on the table, and I'd like us to sit with it for a moment.“ That small act of flagging creates a beat of anticipation that makes it harder to skim past.
Follow up in writing: Send a brief email after the meeting that references your point. Your name is now permanently attached to your thinking, in a format that can be forwarded, searched, and cited.
Build one or two allies in advance: Not a grand political strategy, just a genuine relationship with someone in the room who is primed to engage when you speak. “Actually, building on what [Name] said...” is a sentence that changes the temperature of a meeting.
None of this is a perfect fix. The problem is structural, and it will not be solved by your tactical excellence alone. But the women I have watched navigate rooms like these, the ones who eventually changed them, did not go quiet and did not burn it down. They got strategic. They moved through the room until they had enough standing to start reshaping it.
Thinking of Speaking up…
We are having a conversation on how to navigate your career and how to get into the right rooms, from entry-level to leadership. We would be joined by four amazing women who had done this effortlessly.
Meet our women:
Aji Bawo
Head of Product at Tesco Technology with 18+ years in retail tech. Leads 20+ product teams and a £5M+ portfolio. A recognised advocate for diversity, mentor to women in tech, and award-winning industry leader.Ese Ughulu
Digital Product Manager at BP, managing enterprise platforms that drive safety and efficiency. Experience across fintech, product design, and financial markets. Passionate about helping others grow strategically in product.Subomi Salami
Senior Product Manager at Microsoft, building AI-powered solutions. Known for combining strategy, user empathy, and execution, while helping others navigate careers in tech and product.Product Manager with 7+ years of experience across startups and global companies like Spotify and Busuu. Founder of ProductSis, helping PMs navigate real-world product challenges and build impactful solutions.
Resources this week
Nice Girls Don't Get the Corner Office by Lois P. Frankel
Particularly useful for early-career women who are still figuring out how professional dynamics actually work.
The Authority Gap by Mary Ann Sieghart
A research-backed look at why women are taken less seriously than men and what individuals can do about it.
You can also check out the Lovelace Report by WeTech Women, which showcases the value of keeping women in tech.
Jobs of the Week
Before we go
Sometimes, you’ve just been in rooms that weren’t built to hear you properly. The goal isn’t to shrink to fit them.
Till we meet again.
With 💜 from your Buddy at PMHelp